


Moments

by themajesticmanatee



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Ambassador Sokka (Avatar), Awkward Flirting, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Character Development, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Issues, Dorks in Love, Fire Lord Zuko, First Kiss, Fluff, Friendship, Gaang (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Light Angst, M/M, Matchmaker Iroh, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Post-Canon, Post-War, Sibling Love, Southern Water Tribe, Tea, Teenage Dorks, Time Skips, Zuko has a girl squad, a bit of internalized homophobia, obligatory background kataang, politics woo, these boys r gonna make a difference, turtleduck pond obviously, zukka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27553837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themajesticmanatee/pseuds/themajesticmanatee
Summary: The Royal Garden had always been his refuge.  His earliest, fondest memories were of the gardens.  He remembered padding across soft grass barefoot, while he held his mother’s pinky in his smaller one.  He remembered giving Mai a ride on his back, while she whispered in his ear that if you drop me I drop you.   He remembered swinging between the arms of the matsu, never able to scale the tree as fast as Ty Lee.  He remembered scooping up a baby squirrel toad (that Azula had knocked from its nest with a rock) and nursing it back to health, with the assistance of his cousin Lu Ten.The Royal Garden had always been his refuge, partly because his father never went there.  The gardens thrummed with life, in stark contrast to the rest of the palace.  Various animals twittered and scurried about, and flowers poked out of the ground.  Gentle trees drooped like the elderly schoolmistress that taught him to write in calligraphy.  The one that always smelled sweet, and never hit him with a ruler.  Breezes drifted across the garden, giving the whole place the illusion of movement.  Why was the shrubbery allowed to dance when he was not?
Relationships: Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Past Sokka/Suki, Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), background Aang/Katara
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Moments

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! <3  
> This story has been in the works for a while now, and hopefully you guys appreciate it. It will span a lifetime, following the characters we grew up with as they grow and mature. Avatar did a beautiful job in developing these characters and telling their stories, but I believe there is much more to uncover. 
> 
> I will update the tags as the story continues! I make no promises that this will be quickly updated.

100 AG

 _It’s... calm._ Zuko noted, observing Caldera City from the palace balcony. Children scurried in the streets below, waving trailing sparklers. Remnants of the crowd from the coronation lingered about, purchasing the remaining bags of fire flakes from closing vendors. Storefronts were decorated with elegant streamers and lanterns, all to commemorate _him._ As if he deserved it. Fireflies lazily swooped through the air and twinkled from the tops of red glazed roofs. Stars speckled an inky sky where there was no comet, only a benevolent moon. 

The tranquility of it all terrified him. Because, how could it be real? No, this was not the same city where he said his first words and lost his first tooth. That city was marred by military parades and loud silence and fearful glances when someone did not return. He was on the same balcony, years ago, when he asked his mother where his schoolmistress had gone. She bent down to his level to hold his face in her hands. “ _Don’t mention that_ ,” she said, with a ferocity that startled him. She looked side to side, then added in a whisper, “but that doesn’t mean you have to agree. Promise me this, my love- you must _never_ say anything out of turn. ” He wouldn’t understand what she meant until he was much older, but all he could do was nod. 

He broke his promise. He questioned his father, and for it he earned a scar and an exile. It was a moment of integrity, not weakness. Or at least that’s what Uncle said, when he cradled him to his chest as they were rocked by the sea. That was before he rejected him, met his kindness with sharp words and withdrawal. It was easier to believe that the world was out to get him, old men with kind eyes included. Because then, he could convince himself he was in the right. He would learn later what “right” truly meant. He wondered what Ursa would feel, if she could see her children so intent upon destroying each other. He wondered what she would say, if she could hear him shouting at the sky, not caring if he lived or died. He wondered what she would do, if she knew how he betrayed his Uncle. She would be heartbroken, probably. 

But then, what would she feel if she saw him defying his father yet again? What would she say, if she could hear him laughing alongside his friends? What would she do, if she knew that he aided the Avatar in bringing down Ozai? He hoped that she would be proud. Proud that he hadn’t listened to her advice. But he couldn’t fault her, for instructing him to be complacent. Her words were those of a mother. At that moment, all he wanted was for her to embrace him, to protect him from Ozai’s shadow that loomed behind every corner. When he heard approaching footsteps echo behind him, a part of him believed it _was_ Ozai, coming to breathe _failure_ down his neck. He glanced at the guards positioned in the archway and drew his flame. 

“Woah, hold it, Hotman. It’s only me,” a familiar voice said, throwing his hands up as if calming a spooked ostrich horse. Seemingly unfazed by almost getting attacked in a paranoia induced conniption, the non-threat beamed at him. Zuko extinguished his palm, then wrung his hands together. “Oh, sorry about that. ” 

“It’s no problem,” Sokka laughed and joined him at the railing. “I was debating about getting a singed eyebrow anyways,” he joked. “I hear they’re all the rage. ”

“Of course they’re all the rage, _I_ have a singed eyebrow,” he responded. (In a joke that roughly translated to “imagine people _liking_ me, how hilariously impossible. ”) At this, he playfully knocked into his shoulder. 

“I wanted to come and see you before we left the party. To give my congratulations. You know, about being the Fire Lord and all that. It’s impressive. ”

“No. ”

“No?”

“It’s not impressive to be born into a family of war criminals. ”

“Maybe not, but the important part is that you defied them to get to where you are now. That takes a lot of strength. ”

“Thank you?”

“Just stating the truth. You’re going to be an incredible Fire Lord. ”

He didn’t know how to respond to that, so he offered a shy, lopsided smile. Being complimented made him nauseated, and seriously doubt the judgment of the person doing the complimenting. But, this was Sokka. And he might be a dumbass, but he was a brilliant one. Maybe, just maybe, there was a granule in truth in what he was saying. 

They stood in companionable silence for a while. With Sokka at his side wordlessly pointing out the constellations above, he could forget about the guards and the ass-kissing nobles and the fact that he was somehow expected to know what to do. The night was humid, and a breeze tousled the bits of his hair that had fallen out of his top-knot. There was a growing sense of weightlessness in his chest until the warmth was stomped out by cruel, self-hatred. 

“How could you say that?” he questioned, and Sokka looked to his companion in confusion. “I’m going to be a terrible Fire Lord. And, what is it that you’re trying to do here? Are you taking pity on me?” His snarl sent Sokka reeling backward. “No, I just wanted to talk to you,” he blurted dejectedly. “Is that so _hard_ to believe?” _Yes, it is._ “Give me one good reason why you’re going to be a terrible Fire Lord. One based in logic, and not in being cruel to yourself. ” 

“You don’t know what I am capable of. ”

“I’m fully aware of what you’re capable of, actually. ” The comment was stinging, but there was a distinct lack of malice in his voice. Zuko looked to the ground, and cursed himself. He was about to go off into a self-deprecating tizzy when a tiny Iroh on his shoulder reminded him to take ‘three cleansing breaths.’ 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled with such genuine hurt that it made Sokka wince. 

“Apology accepted. Let’s try again. What is your favorite animal? I think my favorite animal is the winged lemur. Momo’s grown on me.” 

“Um. ” _Idiot. Talk to him, that’s what friends do. They don’t normally topple totalitarian governments and evade death together. They… tell each other things_

“Turtle ducks?” 

“Aww, I love turtle ducks! Now your turn. ”

Zuko stopped and considered a moment. “What is your deepest regret? Mine is trying to kill Aang, and then leaving behind my Uncle in Ba Sing Se.” Sokka stared at him disbelievingly, so he quickly amended his question. “I mean. . . what now? What’s your future look like?” Sokka shook his head in shock as he processed the information. “Whew, that’s… _a lot_ to digest. Do you want to elaborate?”

“No. ”

“Okay then. I’m planning on going back to my tribe to hug Gran-Gran until she explodes. If I’m lucky, I'll get Gran-Pakku in there too, but I’m not counting on it. ” Zuko started to chortle. 

“What?”

“Gran-Pakku. It’s funny.”

“Thank you for noticing. ” (He tried to not look too pleased with himself.) “I also promised Toph I would help her set up her metalbending school. Anyway, I need to escape from Aang and Katara’s oogies. ”

“Oogies?”

“It’s what happens when Aang and Katara act all coupley. It’s disgusting. After that, I think I want to take a shot at politics. Maybe I’ll even be your royal advisor. Who knows?”

“Woah woah woah, is this a suggestion or a command?” Sokka shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m just saying, now that my girlfriend is one of your guards…”

“Oh, so there’s an ulterior motive? You’re an asshole, you know that?” he rolled his eyes, laughing. 

“Seriously though, I want to be able to use my skills to help people. ”

“Is that what politicians do? That was a good one. Now it’s your turn. ”

Zuko hesitated for a moment; when he asked the question, it was mostly to solidify his suspicion that Sokka would be leaving him, too. He didn’t stop to consider that he would have to _respond._ Most of his fantasies about the future took place in an alternate reality, where he was someone else entirely. Because in truth, he wasn’t planning on making it out of the war alive. He wasn’t going to tell that to Sokka. The image of horror that flashed across Uncle’s face when he casually mentioned it prevented him from doing so. (“You’re being careless with your life! You could have frozen! He’d said, while they watched the falling sakura leaves.) “I’m going to have to find some sort of way to heal my people, and restore the honor of my country,” he began, and the joking tone of the conversation evaporated. “I’m going to have to undo corruption in the government, somehow. I’m going to have to take accountability for the devastation we’ve caused in the world. And I honestly don’t know if I can do it. I think my Uncle might be wrong about something, for once. How am I supposed to fix a nation when I’ve only started to fix myself?” 

Sokka gaped at him, eyes wider than the sea. Looking at Zuko, all magnificent and Fire Lordy, made it easy to forget that he was just a kid, too. He had a certain air to him, which he maintained despite his exhaustion after the long day. In his deep robes and crown, he commanded respect, not fear. As Sokka listened to the boy who could wax eloquent about the consequences of war, but didn’t even know how to interact like a normal human being, he found himself unconsciously marveling at him. And he didn’t know what to say. Because no words could possibly encompass the weight on Zuko’s shoulders, could convey to him just how much he wanted to understand. So he hugged him. 

Zuko huffed in surprise, before allowing himself to hug him back. “I’m terrified,” he breathed into his shoulder, betraying himself with his own transparency, and the steady droplets that were beginning to roll down his cheeks.

“Hey, I meant what I said before,” Sokka said, pulling away and holding him at the elbows. “It won’t be easy, but I think becoming the Fire Lord is what you were always meant to do. ” Zuko sniffled, and wiped his blotchy face with the back of his hand. He felt _pathetic_ . “If it means anything, we all believe in you. And I want to be here as you figure some of this stuff out. Because believe it or not, you’re my friend. My smart, kind, grump of a friend. ” And for some reason, hearing that made him giggle into his side. Probably because the admission was so genuine that it _must_ have been true _._ “I don’t know how I feel right now.” 

“I can tell, considering you’re crying, laughing, and looking over your shoulder every other minute,” he replied, poking him in the ribs. “Do you feel safrewheppy? That’s when you’re sad, afraid, and overwhelmed, but also happy. ” 

“Safrewheppy. That works.”

“Zuko, Sokka!” They heard Aang call from the hallway. In a gust of air, he appeared between them. “I was looking for you guys! C’mon Sokka, _my girlfriend_ says it’s your bedtime.” (Aang was still at the point where referring to Katara as “his girlfriend” made him giddy, so he did it as much as possible.)

“Of course she did. Hey, I’ll see you around, jerkbender.”

“You too.”

Aang pulled Sokka away by the elbow, and they waved goodbye. “Goodbye, Sifu Hotman," he said with a quick bow, adopting a very serious tone of voice, befitting of a powerful being with control over the four elements. "Oh, and your Uncle said that we can all have dinner at his tea shop sometime!” Zuko gaped at him. How was it so easy for Aang to forgive him? To act like they had been friends their entire lives? (Zuko wasn't about to vocalize it, but his inner voice told him that they would be. Those boys were meant to be in his life, and he just _knew_ it.) 

Sokka’s eyes brightened. “We’re getting food?” Aang pulled him away, and then made Sokka carry him on his back towards the guest chambers. As he watched them go, he smiled dumbly to himself. He felt warm. Happy. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt that way. 

  
  
  


103 AG

Weekend gatherings had become ritual. After their guard shift was over, Ty Lee and Suki would greet Sokka and Zuko (who more often than not had bags under their eyes from their various duties), outside of the briefing room. Together they would venture to their favorite spot in the palace, collecting Mai from whatever she happened to be doing along the way. 

The sitting room adjoined one of the guest chambers in the west wing of the palace. When Zuko was a boy, an Earth Kingdom diplomat was assassinated there, which generated an air of superstition around it. As such, the particular room was rarely used, and the kids were free to lounge around as they pleased. It was the ultimate hang out spot; it was much cozier than the grandiose rooms in the rest of the palace, and a guy had been murdered there! That fact deterred some of the well-meaning, but unrelenting, maids. 

Some nights, the five of them would swap stories until dawn. Others, they would blearily share their insecurities. On one such night, Zuko confided in them about his Agni Kai with his father, about how in spite of everything, he still loved his little sister. After that, he felt lighter. Suki then reintroduced him to the concept of _melon lord._ Naturally, they told increasingly absurd jokes featuring one such melon lord, and their laughter floated throughout the halls that were devoid of the sound for far too long.

After particularly exhausting days, they relaxed in comfortable silence, enjoying each other's presence. Suki would curl up with a book, Mai would sharpen her throwing knives, and Ty Lee would do stretches in the corner. Sokka and Zuko would engross themselves in a lively conversation about whatever theories or ideas were flitting around in their heads until Mai intervened. “We’re enjoying quiet time. Shut up or leave. ” This usually led to Sokka sketching in his journal and Zuko meditating. 

Whatever happened within those walls, Zuko felt safe. There he was not the Fire Lord, at least for a few hours. He was allowed to simply exist, to revel in the youth that had been pried from him. He felt like he was making up for the lost time. It had occurred to him that most people didn’t spend their adolescence as exiled princes, searching in vain for the Avatar amid a bloody war. What had happened made him who he was; he knew that. But he couldn’t help but be envious. 

On the night that Sokka missed their gathering, he had been an ambassador for a few months. He split his time between the Fire Nation and the South Pole, although trips to various cities for diplomatic purposes weren’t infrequent. Still, he was in the palace enough that his absence was felt heavily. He wasn’t there to trade sarcastic remarks, or to ramble about his plans. It wasn’t the same. Especially with the elephant rhino in the room.

“So, do you think someone should poke Zuko?” asked Ty Lee. Upon hearing his name, he was snapped out of his vegetative state. He had been transfixed on the incense sticks, and absent-mindedly watched the smoke curl into the air. 

“Okay,” murmured Mai, who winded up and hit him in the ribs. “Thanks, that was nice of you. ” She shrugged, and the other girls giggled. She was spread out on the ground, propping up her cheek with her palm. With her free hand, she lazily fanned herself with the scrapped policy proposal that Zuko had been working on. Suki sat in front of Ty Lee, who was looping her hair into intricate braids. “What are you thinking about?” Suki asked him. 

“Sokka,” he admitted. There was a beat, and she held his gaze sheepishly. “Yeah, me too.” She looked down into her glass that was more fruit juice than umeshu before draining the contents. “I feel awful about it, but I think I made the right decision.”

“Don’t feel awful. He’ll mope for a while, but he’ll come around. Right Zuko?” Mai said. Suki smiled weakly. “It was fun, but we work better as friends. I think we both have known that for a while now, but I was the one to make it official. Or… unofficial. He’s miserable, and I wonder if we should have just worked through things… I still love him, I’m just not sure if it’s like _that_ anymore. Is that bad?”

“Look, you both want different things. You eventually want to go back to Kyoshi Island, and he wants to do government shit. And for a long time now, he’s been acting more like a brother to you than a boyfriend. You’re just the one who had the balls to call it off. That’s not bad. Things happen, life moves on.”

“Well, you certainly get to the point.”

She smirked. “Is that your way of saying that I’m the bitch around here?”

“Maybe, but you’re _our_ bitch. But thank you. I needed to hear that.”

“No problem,” Mai smiled. Ty Lee secured her hair with a ribbon, then embraced her. “It’s not selfish to break up with someone, you know.” Suki accepted the hug gratefully and sighed. 

“Honestly, I think it was a long time coming. I just hope that after this, we can still be close.” She faced Zuko. “Can you please talk to him? For me?”

“Me?” Zuko, for Suki’s benefit, had been ignoring the strange mix of emotions elicited in him by the recent development. “You’re his best friend. And I doubt he wants to see me. I know he said he wanted to be alone, but I know he’s miserable in his room.”

“Sure, but what am I supposed to do?”

“I dunno,” Mai yawned. “Give him a man to man or something, you’re good at that.”

“You should make him a card!” suggested Ty Lee brightly. 

“Really? Uh, okay.”

And that’s how Fire Lord Zuko ended up making a “hey, sorry your girlfriend broke up with you” card in the middle of the night. The girls helped him to amass a collection of art supplies. Papers, pens, paints, and even some flowers, were his disposal to create his masterpiece. While Zuko was hard at work, on a quest to produce something that would make Sokka happy, the girls casually chatted about different forms of lethal weaponry. 

_If anyone will appreciate the atrocity I’m about to create, it’s Sokka._ On the front was Momo, and on the back, there was a drawing of all of their friends. He debated whether or not to include Suki, but ultimately decided to leave her in. For a bit of validation, he called Ty Lee over to look at the drawing he made of her. She enthusiastically told him that he loved his penguin seal. After that, he decided to label everyone so Sokka would know who they were. He was mulling over what message to scrawl on the inside when in his sleep deprivation, he was struck with genius. 

_To the kindest, smartest, and most hilarious (am I stretching it?) person I know,_

_This sucks. You’re allowed to feel shitty. But I know you. Don’t view it as a complete rejection of you as a person. You’re incredible, and don’t let one girl breaking up with you convince you otherwise. Tomorrow will come, I promise._

_That’s rough buddy,_

_Zuko_

He poured his heart into it, he really did. Once he was finished, he showcased it to them. Two-thirds even had the decency to clap. He practiced words of Iroh-like wisdom in his head that would surely abandon him when the time came. Mai was watching him, or more accurately, inspecting him when she yanked him by the collar and led him out the door. She leaned against a pillar, her hands crossed. 

“You like him.” It was a statement, not a question. 

“Of course I like him, he’s my best friend.”

She glared at him. 

“Mai, what are you-”

“Oh, cut the bullshit. You put more effort into that card than you did our entire relationship.”

 _That’s not a high bar._ “Fine,” he hissed, the tips of his ears very red. “I like him. He’s compassionate and intelligent and we could talk for hours and he listens to me and I feel like myself around him and…” 

She shrugged, running a hand through her silky hair. “You don’t need to explain. I get it, he’s cute.”

“So… you’re okay with this? With me liking men?”

“Trust me, I dated you. I know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That I know you, Zuko. Probably better than myself. Just… hold off for a little while? For Suki’s sake?”

“You say that like I have an actual chance. ” She uncrossed her arms, her way of telling him, “come here. ” He slumped into her, and she patted his back semi-awkwardly. It was comforting, though. “I wouldn’t bring it up right after he got dumped, but you’ve got a chance. ”

“You think so?”

“You are the world to him, and everyone can see that. Suki never confronted him about it, but I think she noticed too. ”

“How do you know these things before we do?”

“Boys are stupid. ”

“Yeah, they are,” he pulled back from her and rubbed the back of his neck. “ _Boys.”_ All of a sudden, he started to smile. It was a ridiculous smile at that. Mai was taken aback; Zuko rarely smiled unless he had good reason to. “What’s up with you?” 

“It’s just that… I held on to my old life for a long time. The life laid out in front of me." Mai mentally prepared herself for a Zuko ramble, which she knew better than to cut off. "The life where I was supposed to shut up, marry you, and order men to die without hesitation. And I could make my father proud _._ As if that’s possible. When I returned to the Fire Nation, I learned that I don’t want that. This was the last thing I couldn’t move on from. _You._ You’ve always been there, Mai. A part of the destiny hanging over my head. But... I’m scared. Because moving on from whatever relationship we had means I admit I’m in love with a boy. I don’t think I’m ready to do that yet. ” 

He felt a hand cup his cheek, and she guided his face to meet hers. Her dusky eyes were wide, and her lips were gently parted. She looked… soft. It was unusual. “I’m sorry. ”

“For what?” 

“Everything. I was distant and didn’t try to understand what you were going through. I was too caught up in my own shit to help you find your path. I held things against you and kept score every time you messed up… I realize now how awful I could be to you.”

“I’m sorry too. I was horrible to you; I took things out on you. When we got together, I stopped viewing you as that girl I had always loved- you were another way of proving myself. And I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that. ”

“We’ve never had this conversation before, huh?” 

He swallowed thickly. “No. I guess we were both messed up kids. But I can’t say I regret it. ” 

“Me neither.” There was a long, but not uncomfortable silence. “Do you think they’ll hate me? For being… how I am. ” He couldn’t look at her.

“Who’s they?”

“The Fire Nation. ”

“They’ll hate you… but not forever?”

“Oh. ”

“Sorry, I’m not very good at this stuff.”

“That’s okay, I’m dramatic enough for the both of us.”

“So now you’re self-aware?” 

It was him that was punching her, that time. “Thanks for listening to me. ”

“I’m trying. ”

“I know you are. And that’s why I don’t hate you. ”

“I don’t hate you, too. ”

104 AG

“Dad!” Sokka practically flew into Hakoda’s arms the instant the boat docked. “Katara, Aang, Gran-Gran!” With the sort of energy that only Aang could rival, he addressed the small crowd that had gathered to watch their arrival individually. Zuko didn’t recognize any of their names. It was a tiny thing, but a tiny thing that bothered him. When the people whose village he invaded only a few years prior had _names,_ it made the consequences of what he had done all the more real. 

_The Southern Water Tribe was weakened by decades of Fire Nation raids. On their way there, Zuko watched the boat cut through the dark water in silence. They passed by tiny settlements that more often than not had sustained damage. Devastation for which he felt solely responsible. Sokka, noting his somber mood, joined him at the stern to check up on him. “Are you thinking of your ponytail days?” he asked, not unkindly. Zuko knew him well enough to identify his casual tone as a subtle reminder that he had already been forgiven. “Yeah,” he replied, unable to vocalize much else while brooding. Sokka, for whatever reason, seemed to understand. “I can’t wait to show you around,” he whispered. “We’re going back to the way we were, I think. Every month when I visit, there's always something new to see. It’s proof that this is working. And a lot of it is because of you.” He gave his gloved hand a firm squeeze, then returned from whence he came to provide him with solitude._

“Katak, you’ve gotten so big!” Sokka swung a boy around in his arms. Once he was on solid ground, he displayed his wolf tail and sword to him, a sign of his newfound warrior status. Once the boy noticed the Fire Lord, who peered curiously at him from behind Sokka, the grin on his face was extinguished. Zuko wondered if this was one of the boys he had trained. If so, he couldn’t blame him. 

While Zuko had done much to restore the image of his country following the conclusion of the war, the Fire Nation was still associated with raids. And to the people whose homes had been destroyed, they always would. For that reason, Zuko had ensured to bring only the Kyoshi Warriors as protection for the government officials traveling to the tribe. The red, jagged armor of the rest of the guard would have been too much. 

Black snow swirled around them, no longer a signal of a town’s imminent destruction. (Sokka had told them that there could be a way to make ships that didn’t bring black snow, that Teb was working on it. He listened to him ramble about it over noodles.) Shame welled in his stomach, for he had pledged that he would make it up to those people, somehow. But, financial aid and allyship could not replace a lost mother, sister, or friend. He knew that better than anyone. 

“Zuko, are you just gonna stand there?” chimed Aang, enveloping him in a hug that Katara soon joined. They had been close for a long time, and yet he still felt unworthy of their love. Like it was some sort of cruel trick pulled by the cosmos. When his friends finally disentangled from him and entered an animated conversation with Sokka and Suki, he was greeted by Hakoda. 

“Fire Lord Zuko, welcome. ”

“Chieftain Hakoda,” he responded, bowing and assuming his Fire Lord-y voice. “I appreciate your generosity in hosting this event. The Fire Nation has committed atrocities against your people, and you have graciously allowed us the opportunity to make reparations for decades of wrongdoing. I look forward to our continued cooperation in the Southern Restoration Project. ” Zuko tried his absolute best to not make it apparent that he had rehearsed that spiel numerous times on the journey there, but judging by how Sokka was giving him _that look_ it was likely he had not succeeded. 

Although Hakoda chuckled and shook his head in a way that was anything but threatening, it activated Zuko’s fight or flight response. He wondered if he had accidentally referred to it as the _Northern_ Water Tribe like he did on his first summit there, an error that Sokka would never let him live down. “I appreciate it, but there is no need to be so formal with me,” he chuckled. “We can save it for the conference.” He patted him good-naturedly on the shoulder. “So, my son here tells me that you were interested in trying penguin sledding. ”

“Yeah.” he stammered, dropping his official persona at the prospect of _penguin sledding,_ and wondering if Sokka talked about him to his father. “I would really like that, uh, sir.” Sokka had hyped it up, and as someone who had lived a deprived childhood in the “fun” department, he was all for it. Hakoda extended a hand for him to shake, then said he would show them to the igloo. Zuko, the Kyoshi Warriors, and the other officials followed Hakoda from the docks and through the village in a little procession. He didn’t know whether to wave at or ignore the people staring. In a happy medium, he chose to smile, which made a little girl cry. He was feeling thoroughly despondent when Sokka caught up with him and looped him by the arm. 

“Dude, what was that all about?”

“Huh?”

“It’s only my dad! He forgave you a long time ago, you know that, right? All of a sudden you’re looking at him like he’s going to _eat_ you. ”

“Trust me, there are better things to eat down here,” said Aang, appearing out of nowhere to hang off Zuko’s shoulder in his annoying-but-endearing way. “The cuisine has grown on me!” 

“But he still won’t try the sea prunes,” Katara added as she linked arms with her brother, forming an awkward four-person long chain. Aang gave an exaggerated “yuck.”

Zuko relaxed. “So… you aren’t going to eat me?” he asked, attempting a joke. Hakoda, who had been pointedly not paying attention to the antics occurring behind him, barked out a laugh. “Don’t count on it. ”

“We’ll see how the hunt goes,” snickered Sokka into his ear, when the ever-wise master of the four elements pounced on him. In a way reminiscent of a fearsome polar bear dog, he pretended to devour him. As Zuko stood there, listening to his friends’ laughter as the Avatar gnawed on his shoulder, he wondered how he could possibly be so lucky. 

\---

Sokka had abandoned the campfire for the bathroom. He did not immediately return because he was distracted by the pot of sea prune stew on the fire. He hadn’t realized how much he missed the _smell._ The prospect of consuming food that didn’t kill him from spice was too much to resist. “You can have some soup leftover from dinner, if you’d like,” Katara had told him as they gathered firewood at sunset earlier that day. Gathering firewood used to be seen as an annoying chore, but Sokka had a newfound appreciation for it upon his return. It was nostalgic, and it reminded him of a simpler time. When he stayed up late at night to create his own constellations, not to meticulously plan tax reforms. 

“No thanks, I’m good,” Sokka replied, although Katara apparently made some anyway. _My sister knows me so well,_ he thought as he watched the steam curl from his bowl. _She left the pot on for me._ He had finally deemed the soup cool enough for consumption when he heard his sister opening the door to their hut. She had her hands on her hips, a mission in her eyes. “So, when were you going to tell me about _that_?” She confronted him, smelling of the herb burned at gatherings to keep away mink snakes. Home. 

“Tell you about what?” Katara strode over to the table, sitting across from her brother. “Seriously, how long has this been going on?”

“How long has _what_ been going on?”

“You know exactly-”

“Katara, I already told you. I have no clue what you’re talking about!” He asserted, taking an indignant bite of jerky. 

“Do you really want me to spell it out for you?”

“Yes?”

“You and Zuko! You were flirting all night!”

“Oh. ” He got all wide-eyed and stared off into space, so she decided to grab the pitcher of water and pour them drinks while he processed what she had said. “Um, do you think he might like me? I mean, I know he likes me, but do you think he maybe like _likes_ me?” It took her every ounce of self-restraint in her possession to not waterbend the contents of her cup into his face, so she took a long sip instead. “To be honest, everyone just assumed you were already together and not saying anything about it. Especially since the Fire Nation isn’t the most _friendly_ of places, and we all know how traditional our tribe is. Dad was worried that you were afraid to talk to him about it. ”

“Really?” asked Sokka, his voice going up an octave. “What makes you think that?” 

“Firstly, he’s wearing your clothes. ”

“Because he is cold and didn’t want to inconvenience the tailor!”

“Um, he’s a firebender?”

“Yeah, but it’s still cold as shit down here!” That being said, the excuse did not hold up when thinking about all of the times Zuko wore his clothes in Caldera City, but he wasn’t about to admit that. 

“When we were sitting around the fire, he had his arm around you! And you were snuggling into his side and playing with his hair! And when he got ash all over him, you preened him like some protective _bird._ ”

“That’s what bros do!” 

In exasperation, she splashed the water in his face in a sharp flick of her wrist. 

“Hey, what was that for?”

She sighed. “Sokka, that boy is gone for you, and even Toph could see that. He laughs obnoxiously at your terrible jokes. What more proof do you need than that?” 

“My jokes are not terrible,” he scoffed. “Do you think I was able to secure all the ladies while traveling the world on a flying bison if my witticisms weren’t on another level?”

She grumbled, getting up to bring him a dry cloth. 

“Look, we have the same sense of humor. That’s all. And how can you be so sure? He’s kind of… touch starved. ”

“Why are you so defensive? If you don’t feel the same, that’s fine. ”

“No, that’s not it. ”

“Then, what is?”

“I’m confused, okay? I don’t think I ever allowed myself to have these types of feelings for a guy before,” he paused, scanning her reaction before continuing. “It doesn’t align with the warrior I always wanted to be, I guess. The man dad wants me to be. What would mom think? Not to mention that he’s the Fire Lord! I dunno, I just, don’t want to mess things up. ”

He didn’t realize how much his voice had wavered until Katara was by his side, placing a hand on his shoulder. “That was weighing on you a lot, wasn’t it?” she asked gently. “I’ve never said that out loud before,” he admitted. “Oh Sokka, that doesn’t matter to us.” She wrapped his arms around him. “You can’t base your worth around expectations other people have for you. You don’t live for them, you live for you. And for what it’s worth, neither dad or I want you to be anything you’re not just to please people. We love you, for you. ” He squeezed her tighter. “I needed to hear that. ”

“Good. Now after you’re done with the soup, come back out. I was just teaching the boys how to make Water Tribe bracelets. ”

104 AG

The Royal Garden had always been his refuge. His earliest, fondest memories were of the gardens. He remembered padding across soft grass barefoot, while he held his mother’s pinky in his smaller one. He remembered giving Mai a ride on his back, while she whispered in his ear that _if you drop me I drop you._ He remembered swinging between the arms of the matsu, never able to scale the tree as fast as Ty Lee. He remembered scooping up a baby squirrel toad (that Azula had knocked from its nest with a rock) and nursing it back to health, with the assistance of his cousin Lu Ten. 

The Royal Garden had always been his refuge, partly because his father never went there. The gardens thrummed with life, in stark contrast to the rest of the palace. Various animals twittered and scurried about, and flowers poked out of the ground. Gentle trees drooped like the elderly schoolmistress that taught him to write in calligraphy. The one that always smelled sweet, and never hit him with a ruler. Breezes drifted across the garden, giving the whole place the illusion of movement. Why was the shrubbery allowed to dance when he was not? 

The pond in the center seemed a lot larger when he was a child. An elegant border of stone surrounded it, and lilies floated atop crystal water. At dusk, the sun would hit the water so perfectly that it glistened luminously like it was aflame. But his favorite feature of the pond was its inhabitants, the turtle ducks that he knew by name. 

In a game that was a lot less invigorating than he remembered, he would collect fallen pine needles and throw them into the water, replicating the fireworks he saw during military parades. (This much to the annoyance of the staff responsible for cleaning it up. ) On those days, the four of them- Azula, Mai, Ty Lee, and Zuko- would sit against a large rock wrapped up in a blanket, and get a clear view of the fireworks exploding over the city. They didn’t know what it all meant, they only knew that the lights were pretty. 

When he was younger, he conjured his first puffs of flame among the daisies, and he could only ever firebend when in the gardens. Ozai would scream at him in the throne room, commanding him to firebend. He couldn’t. He would cower before him, shakily producing wisps of fire that were _never_ good enough. Eventually, he snapped. And the innocent curiosity of childhood that fueled him before was replaced by rage. 

However long dead and gone that innocence might be in him, it was still alight in his little sister, Kiyi. And as he sat by the edge of the water, turning over the bracelet she had made him at school in his fingers, he couldn’t help but smile. 

After his mother left, he would sit in the gardens and imagine her arms around him. The voice in his head that whispered those rare words of kindness towards himself? It was his mother, always. When he returned to the Fire Nation, she seemed so close yet so far. Every inch of the palace reminded him of her in one way or another. He saw her in the clover that persisted despite the gardener’s tyranny, in the hallways she once walked with him in tow, and on the balcony where she sang her children lullabies. It only amplified her absence. 

The night after they had returned from Ember Island, he panicked because he couldn’t remember her voice, the way she smelled or felt. So he ventured into Mai’s room, ignoring the guard who was clearly in the midst of a moral dilemma as to whether or not he should intervene. She awoke at the intrusion, annoyed and rolling her eyes, but set him down beside her and listened to what he had to say. She groaned, asking if he could have his mental breakdowns _not between the hours of four and six, please,_ and took his hand, leading him to the gardens. She stayed with him until the sun rose, and they ate an early breakfast. 

His mother’s love felt so far, those days. But by some miracle, she was returned to him. And with her, she brought a vivacious daughter and a husband who grew to love him. At first, it was difficult; she lost him when he was a boy, and found him when he was a man. Of course, she still hummed to herself and would always sneeze multiple times in a row. He was still a light sleeper and a daydreamer hooked on escapism. They still loved one another very much. Those things didn’t change. 

But they were both entirely new people. Ursa was no longer the broken woman who would rather forget her children than live with the pain of feeling that she _failed them_. Zuko was no longer the boy who just wanted to know his father loved him, angry with the world and himself. They relearned one another, tenderly and slowly. And all they could think about was lost time. Eventually, the wounds began to heal and they moved onward. 

Ursa and her family came into his life like they were always meant to be there. 

They brought light and joy. Noren would clap him on the back, telling him, _I’m proud of you._ Kiyi would jump into his arms, thrilled to have her very own big brother. (Whenever they could find the time, Zuko, Sokka, and Suki would play games of make-believe with her. She would sit in Mai’s lap as she read to her. Ty Lee thought that her acrobatics were coming along nicely.) And his mother? She would kiss his forehead and tell him stores. When Iroh visited for the first time, she fell at his feet and bawled. She would never be able to thank him enough, for loving her suffering child at a time when she wasn’t strong enough to. 

He wondered what he ever did to deserve them. And as he clutched Kiyi’s crudely made bracelet to his heart, he wished that he could go back in time. To tell the boy sitting where he was, lost and alone, that it would get better. That love was a lot more enduring than he ever thought possible. 

His contemplation was broken by the sound of Sokka tripping across the lawn, making more noise than a drunk badgermole. He closed his eyes and waited for the approach. 

“Sneak attack!”

To humor him, he feigned surprise. “Ahhh.”

“Don’t become an actor,” Sokka tutted and sat down beside him, handing him a cup of tea. “Your uncle sent me to bring this to you. I don’t know about you, but I think I make an _excellent_ delivery hawk. ” He took a sip and he reached out to pat Sokka’s head. “Yes, a very good delivery hawk. Thank you.” 

“Kaw kaw!” he responded, jumping up to wave his arms around in a way that was anything but birdlike. His display made him choke on his tea and giggle. At this point, Sokka was pleased with himself. He took special delight in making Zuko giggle. When they first met, his laughs weren’t anything more than a sharp exhale combined with a weak grin. Gradually, Zuko started laughing in all sorts of different ways, from weirdly charming snorts to obnoxious guffawing. Sokka was proud to say that he was majorly responsible for the evolution of Zuko laughter. He couldn’t help it, with how funny he was. (The giggle was his favorite. )

“So, how is my favorite Fire Lord?”

“Not much competition. ”

“Actually, it was a close call between you and Melon Lord. ”

“Oh? Good to know. Was it his genocidal tendencies that tipped me over the edge?” 

“Something like that. ” 

While Zuko cradled his teacup in his hands, Sokka distributed the seeds he had brought with him to the turtle ducks. As he observed him, he tried to identify what type of tea he was drinking. _Rose? Chamomile? Apple?_ It was most likely an experimental blend. On his visits, his uncle would bring new teas for everyone (that included royal advisors and maids alike) to sample. If the tea was met with enthusiasm, he would bring it back to the Jasmine Dragon for refinement. Zuko mentally noted to send him his compliments. 

“Would you want to be a turtleduck?” questioned Zuko, taking particular interest in one that bobbed under the water, his little feet waving above his head. “I don’t think so. It seems pretty boring. They swim around all day and look cute. Now, I already do one of those things-”

“But we don’t have a pool here?”

“Ouch, I set myself up for that one. But I would want there to be more to life than that, I guess. ” 

“But maybe life isn’t boring, to them. ”

“I wonder if the spirits think the same things about us. I should call up Yue and ask her sometime. ” Zuko glanced at the moon expectantly, but she provided no comment. He was still confused by the technicalities of the whole “turning into the moon” thing. For all he knew, she was watching them at that moment. He pushed that thought aside. 

“Or maybe, their life isn’t boring,” added Sokka. “For all we know, they escape when we’re not watching, and go on crazy turtle duck adventures. Maybe they feel imprisoned!” 

“I like to think they consider this to be more of a home than a prison. Although any turtleduck of ours should be proficient in jailbreaking. ” Sokka belly laughed. “You’re right about that. ” A turtle duck swam into his outstretched palm, and he scooped it into his lap. She waddled on top of him, pecking around in search of food. “I’m sorry, Nora, I don’t have anymore,” he protested. (Kiyi had named Nora, the youngest of the ducks, in honor of one of her dollies named Nora.) Seemingly understanding, she let out a discontented sigh before settling into the crook of his leg. 

“You’d think they’d like us for more than our food by now. How unappreciative,” Zuko remarked, grazing the creature’s head with his thumb. “To be fair, I get it. Food is _great_. ”

“Of course you would say that. ” He tilted his head warmly at him. 

“Hey, are you blushing?” 

“What? No!” He only laughed, which made it worse. Zuko began to worry when he covered his hand with his. 

“Oh,” he managed to squeak, lacing their fingers together. “That’s nice.” Zuko, overwhelmed with the _happiness_ thrumming through him, didn’t know what to do next. _What if my hand gets too hot for him? Do I do something with his fingers? No, idiot, you’ve held someone’s hand before. Just be. . . normal. Should I say something? Or stare at him more, or is that weird? He seems so calm._ Deciding to continue his hypothetical seemed a safe enough route. 

“It might be nice to be a turtle duck. I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping the country running. If I made a mistake, my people wouldn’t have to suffer for it. ”

“If you made a mistake, you’d probably be dead. Nature is brutal, man. ” 

“Do you have so little faith in my survival skills?”

“You carried Aang through a blizzard!” He grumbled in resignation. “What predators are in this garden anyway?”

“I would say the species of ‘the rock chucking Azula’ but she’s no longer a threat,” he chortled at that (yet another type of Zuko laugh) and rested his head on his shoulder. 

“Sometimes, I wish life was that simple. Happily swim in a pond, try not to get eaten.”

“I feel like politics still maintains that ‘eat or be eaten’ vibe. No matter who you are in the web of life, you get eaten and shit back out again. ”

“I’m glad we’re such optimists. ”

“Yeah, definitely. But… I don’t think this is about turtleducks. ”

“Maybe not. ” 

Sokka stopped to think for a moment. “You don’t know what it’s like to be a turtleduck because you’re not one. You’re a Zuko. There’s a lot of pain involved, in being one. But there are amazing things, too. And you are incredible because you are a Zuko. ” 

_Damn it, I love this boy._ Ah, there it was. That word. Love. It was the force binding him to his uncle, his family, his friends- that was easy enough to identify. It was love when his uncle tucked him in at night, kissing him on the forehead. (He used to scoff at him when he did that, a thought that made shame rise in his throat. Now, he had no qualms about being tucked in at 20.) It was love when Kiyi played with him, no matter how much it hurt his back when she tackled him. It was love when Aang bounded into his arms, eager to relay his latest adventures, or when Katara gave him hair loopies for the hell of it. It was love when Toph sparred with him, hurling lovingly crafted insults, or when three girls “snuck” him out of the palace to visit the markets. 

But when that word was used in the context of Sokka? It made him all jumpy. Not because he didn’t love him. He began to love him when they returned from the Boiling Rock. Zuko always formed quick attachments to people; a devastating trait to have in the heat of war. But he felt naturally drawn to Sokka, even before something more bloomed between them. (He cringed when he remembered his first awkward attempts at impressing him- that was before he realized he just needed to be himself) That much was known. But allowing himself to love Sokka in a new sort of way had dangerous implications that he did not like to dwell on. Because… what if?

On sleepless nights, when the stifling air caused his blankets to stick to his skin, he would play out different scenarios in his head. It was during those dark nights that his worst thoughts would come crawling to the surface, despite his best efforts to push them down. 

What would happen, if he acted on his feelings? What if he rejected him and he threw boomerang at his head? What if the council forced him to marry some noble’s daughter if they found out? What if someone tried to hurt Sokka to gain leverage over him? The truth was, he didn’t know how the future would play out. And at three in the morning, he could only ruminate on the worst. 

He could picture himself growing old with him. He kicked himself for daring to think that before they were even together, but he couldn’t help it. Because what would people think? He saw the way people grumbled and protested when he revoked the homosexuality ban, and all he needed was even more of his citizens to hate him. (Not to mention the expectation to make fire babies!) A commitment meant that he couldn’t hide. He couldn’t hide behind his sad excuses for dates with the various ladies his counselors presented to him, all rich and proper and definitely not Sokka. 

He felt so vulnerable, out under the stars, gazing at Sokka as if their brilliance didn’t exist. They paled in comparison to him. But with Sokka’s thumb rubbing circles into his palm, that vulnerability didn’t seem so bad. 

“I have a joke,” Sokka began. “Are you a cup of tea? Because you are brew-tea-full. ”

Zuko didn’t know exactly why his words resonated within him so much. But it was enough to make him grab him by the lapels to kiss him. Sokka gave a little huff in surprise but relaxed into it. It was clumsy, with bumping noses and awkward angles. But he felt safe and so incredibly _light._ He didn’t know how long it was, when they finally pulled away, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Wow. ”

“I’m that good, am I? I’ve been thinking of one-liners for hours!” Sokka wrapped his arms around his middle and pulled him close. He could only hum in response as he pressed feathery kisses up the underside of his jaw, stopping once he reached the scar. Zuko reached for his hand, guided it to his scar wordlessly, and held it there. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“Not as much anymore. ” Nona the turtleduck decided it was the optimum moment to quack. 

“Hmmph, she’s not getting enough attention,” Zuko said, scooping her back into the pond. “Well, she doesn't like to have competition for cutest in the garden,” Sokka explained. He leaned into his ear. “And I’m referring to _you_ , by the way. I think you beat her out, with those golden eyes…” He shoved him away, laughing at how matter of factly he had said it. “Stop teasing me!”

 _“_ I’m not teasing, it’s true!” _I understand it now, those oogies._

“I love you,” Zuko blurted, somewhat impulsively. He scanned his face for a response, finding that he was giving him an open-mouthed stare. “Or wait, sorry, is that moving too fast?” Sokka shook his head, his face crinkling in glee. “No, it’s okay!” He gathered his hands in his. “I already knew that. And I love you too, jerkbender. ” 

\---

Iroh blinked awake. The book he had been reading, _The Tale of Masiki,_ rested open on his stomach. (It was a fantastical tale about princesses, and also Kiyi’s favorite book. He wanted to read it so that he could discuss it with her.) He stretched out of his chair, his joints cracking, and glanced at the clock. It seemed as if he had fallen asleep in the library yet again. The day prior, he had awoken at dawn to Zuko setting a cup of tea beside him. His tea making skills were far from remarkable, but he had drastically improved. So much so, that it was drinkable.

Iroh was making his way down to his quarters when he noticed Zuko and Sokka scurrying down an adjacent hallway. Iroh paused, wondering what they were doing up so late. He hid behind a corner so they wouldn’t disrupt them. A part of him wanted to listen in on their hushed conversation, but his morality won out in the end. As he continued towards his room, he smirked to himself. 

He didn’t like to spy or to meddle in personal affairs. He truly didn’t- but his nephew sometimes needed a guiding _push_ in the right direction. A push he was happy to provide- in the form of sending Sokka off to bring him tea. And by maybe letting it slip in Sokka’s vicinity that Zuko _really_ liked him. You know, in a senior moment. He smirked to himself. If the fact that they were holding hands was anything to go by, his mission had been a success. 


End file.
